|11"x14" oil & cold wax "As The Light Falls"|
Why then is it so second nature for me to have this very visceral sense that a painting session is good or bad? Human nature? Habit? Yes to both, but I think it's about trust. It seems to me that you need to trust that what is happening is okay, whatever it is. It's here, it's in your lap, then just say okay. That's the recipe for non suffering. That's it. You have no idea where your work is going, how it will turn out but you trust that what you did today is enough It's not that I'm getting all new agey, woo woo or fatalistic on you. It's just logic. Think about it. How could it be any other way? That would be arguing with what is... and you know where that gets you. It's not like we lie there like the studio door mat, all limp and lifeless and covered with paint (though I have been known to do this). We can adjust our course tomorrow. We can learn from what transpired. That is never negated by accepting what is. But what just happened is over, done, case closed, unless you want to get all quantum on me but that's a whole other subject.
Another thing I've known in my head but not in my paint brush is that you need to get the mind, the judging, evaluating one out of the way when you work. Sometimes I wish someone would just tell me how and put me out of my misery. But it's not supposed to happen like that. You have to figure it out for yourself or else it doesn't have any meat on the bones, just a dry stick to chew on. And that's not very tasty or sustaining.
|12"x12" cold wax & oil "A Day In The City"|
On a foot note I felt pretty inspired to get back to the studio to explore. But after a bit I noticed old mind sniffing and slinking around trying to recreate the same experience (more good, please, easy, nice, thank-you). And you know how that turns out. But there is a little trust there now where only wanting used to live. And its resting on the fact that everything is fine as it is and anything can happen at any time.